Le Journal d'un Songeur

I'm sitting watching Rove, just chillaxin and drinking hot milo.

Hmmmmm...what have I been up to? Work has been alright, I feel more at home which is nice! Smalls Talk had its final performance on saturday night. It went realllllly well, got lots of laughs and everyone really seemed to enjoy it. I'm a bit sad its over actually, but it will be nice to have my weekends back!! The other production I'm involved in, Arsenic and Old Lace starts April fourteenth and is going fairly well. Its not a major part for me, but its still a step up because of the size of the thatre etc. Still freaking a luttle about kissing Ivan onstage...pretty lame I know but it just feels so awkward!! Hahaha I'm such a dork!

Last night was daryle and leisa's engagement at brad's parents place. Because I had a show, and then had to drive to freaking BALLAJURA I got there when a few people had already left (I missed seeing Leon and Terri :( sadness!!) But it was still fun. I love brad's family, and because I hadn't seen them in a while everyone was all excited and happy to see me :) which was lovely! They are all very nice, it was especially good to see brads brothers and their girlfriends. Makes me happy!! :D

So today brad and I just chilled, we were pretty tired after last night. Watched Pinocchio (only halfway though...we got distracted by being all snuggly on the couch.hee) ad then went to a cash converters kind of store in guildford (I love guildord grammar. Nicest chapel ever). And then we had roast dinner at my mums place.

Brads a sweetie. He kept saying he feels lucky to have me...and I feel the same way. I feel like I'm getting more used to having a mature, loving committed relationship with him, and I'm not being so dependent like I have to see him all the time. Makes things much easier!!

That being said........sometimes I look at him and just feel like my heart is going to explode because it can't possibly contain everything I feel for him, or how gorgeous he is to me.

I loves my man so much :)

Goodness gracious me, I'm so bored!

I'm at work on my lunch break. Work has been really quiet today which is good cos its my managers day off and cos we don't have a 2ic I'm in charge.

I just went to the craft store to get some more felt...I'm making brad a little hadoken pillow and its gonna be haaaard...lots of blue felt :D but I'm having fun with my random little soft toy making:
See facebook for photographic evidence :D

I had a pretty quiet weekend, my play, Smalls Talk opened friday night and I performed saturday night too so I was kind of pooped after that. Brad and I had fun sexytimes over the weekend which was nice (I have to wear these epic sknky black heels for the play, and he requested I bring them home with me. Hee. I love that we are so into each other even after eighteen months. Its nice to hear that you are the sexiest woman alive, and to think the same of your partner! )
And so brad and I just chilled at his place yesterday - watched the new futurama movie, I sewed and then we had a nap :P then he made me dinner. Hehe.

Tomorrow is my day off, woo! I'm totes gonna wash my car and then sew a lot.

Daryle and leisas engagement party on the 21st...I do not know what to wearrrrr :(

Well I have nothing else to say so I'll just go back to eating my yoghurt and looking at big black cocks on google (this was not originally my idea but rather the product of a workmate playing with my blackberry.)

Yeah, so me and brad are pretty much the dorkiest coolest couple ever. For valentines day, I bought him Street Fighter 4 for his 360 (which is kickarse btw) and he got me the Super Mario Bros movie and a copy of House of the Dead: Overkill (complete with two gun adaptors) for my Wii. Its heaps of fun! Its set out like a really cheesy old B grade horror film. It kind of feels like Time Crisis, you're all runing around shooting shit in first person and have to flick your gun offscreen to reload. But the freaking disc is screwed and freezes halfway through the first boss battle. Laaaame.

Its my day off today so I'm hanging around brads place whilst he draws. I'm entertaining myself with various crap - Wii, crackberry, lining lines for play, painting my nails, shaving legs-armpits-vagoo etc. Hoping for sexytimes before I leave. Brad sexytimes are the best. I love when he goes to the gym regularly cos now he's all big and yummy :) heehee.

One of brads friends and some other dude just came over to pick something up. I don't think I like the other guy, who just made the comment "nothings better than fake (tits)" tard :( now I feel all crappy about my boobs and stuff. I hate that there are people wo can do that to me. I wish I was stronger than that (I also wish I had decent boobs!)

Might bw going to see Zaamiens band Grand Theft Audio play at Bennys tomorrow night. Probably won't though, I doubt brad will want to go.

Fehhhh. I wish 99% of men were less wankerish.

I had a bit of rough week, but am managing to stay on top of things.

Work sucks right now, I can't stand it. My boss has just turned really awful...I feel like she's trying her best to motivate me/ be my boss but i dont think she's very good at it and instead she just comes off as demeaning and snappy and rude. Also, I was meant to have every other thursday night off (and instead work the day shift...which really isnt all that unfair I thought ) because Arsenic and Old Lace rehearses on Thursdays and Tuesdays. She said that was fine first of all, and has now changed her mind and said it can't be done. So I've been stressing about talking to my director about it allllll last week. finally spoke to him today, and he was actually really cool about it which was nice. I think he really likes my performance so far so he's not too grumpy about me being inflexible.

So I've started looking for a new job but it's proving a bit difficult, which is understandable given the "current economic climate" (inverted commas cos this has become quite the catchphrase).

- don't want to do retail anymore, especially Telecommunications
- don't want to do admin/reception
- preferably something to do with a creative industry

But theres really nothing out there for a nineteen year old with no skills. Well...I do have skills, but I'd rather not work in the sex industry.



But what can ya do? Just trying to focus on other stuff - mostly theatre based stuff. My life is quite full at the moment, which isnt necessarily a bad thing.

On a completely different note, I bought some metamucil the other and had two serves. All day today I was like "this is lame, i expected the gates to open" but there was NO MOVEMENT. But just then I hell had the best release EVER and now I'm hungry again. That is awesome. I have no shame in talking about this.

- I love my Wii
- I have a love-hate relationship with Super Mario Galaxy. Such an awesome game but FUCKING CAMERAS, JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE!!
- my hair looks super cute today*
- I was meant to go see Josh Pyke last night with Doogan but she bailed cos she had to work. I am still feeling fairly devo :(
- spent too much money on Brad for Valentines day and now I'm pretty broke.
- I want to get contacts
- the two plays I'm in are going well. Opening night for Smalls Talk is march the sixth, Arsenic and Old Lace is the sixteenth of April. Smalls Talk is a steaming pile of nard and I can't wait to be done with it.
- going to apply to WAAPA at the end of the year. Not expecting to get in at ALL but will be a good experience and I can get an idea of what to do and expect.
- I think when I get my next car I will get a Mazda cos they are both good and stylish.
- tonight I'm going to movies by Burswood with em and gemma and bec. I wish I had brought long jeans with me to brads house, cos I only have shorts and will be cold tonight.





*at least I like to think so

Aw. I am lying in bed with brad, eating breakfast before I leave for work. He is dozing next to me with his mouth half open and is all snuffly and twitchy! He keeps taking particularly big breathsthat half-wake him up. It is the cutest thing ever.


I luffles him so good :) I am happy.

Jenns birthday party last night. We went as firefighters (it was fancy dress!). It turns out I have a thing for brad in uniform, and he has a thing for me in short skirts and fishnets :D

Pictures when I get home!!

OH SWEET JESUS WHY???

When will people learn that something being fashionable does NOT mean it looks good?? Need an example?

- shapeless jersey tops/dresses (you know the ones? they make you look pregnant and like you have no waist)
- big, fuzzy eyebrows
- maxi-dresses (on someone my height theyre less terrible, but on people of more average girl height, they make you look both obese and stumpy)
- skinny leg jeans - nearly NEVER flattering! and helloooooo muffin tops
- wedge shoes. Can you say 'bogan'?


I could go on.

LADIES! JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING IS IN FASHION DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL LOOK GOOD IN IT! YOU WILL MOST LIKELY LOOK LIKE EVERY OTHER SKANK WHO READS TOO MUCH CLEO, SPENDS TOO MUCH MONEY ON YVES FUCKING SAINT LAURENT AND WEARS TOO MUCH MAKEUP!


CAPS LOCK!!!!



PS: Gucci handbags, I hate you!!

Ahhhhh, I finally got around to going to a sex store and buying good quality lube. Pjur was two 100ml bottles for fifty bucks (200 ml won't last long...ehehehe. Seedy) can't wait to star usin the good shit again rather than crappy supermarket stuff.

The guy from Optus tech support I just spoke to on the phone sounded EXACTLY like King Julian, the lemur from Madagascar. I could not stop giggling. Bahahahaha!

Brads movie has hit a snag. They guy (who's meant to be a friend) isn't helping brad out much in terms of describing what he wants, and wanst the filmto look all shitty watered down anime. Brad obv does not like that and is finding it hard to do what his mate wants him to cos he keeps changing his mind. So the other dude has given brad till the end of the month to come up with something he likes, and is trialing other people...even thought this was something they were meant to be doing together. So brad is angry and upset and disappointed cos he's been working so hard and has not ha tim for me or much else as he has been working so hard for this guy. So he's pretty much gone "meh", cos even if he did continue with it, he would hate it cos its a shitty style that he wouldn't be proud of. I reckon he should go to the animation school that's in wa and learn and make connections that way. I'm just so upset for him, my poor baby :( he's put so much into this and now he's just been kinda fucked over.

Gr. Its been such a rough time for both of us, cos he's been tired and stressed and busy and I haven't been happy in the relationship because of that - but it was bearable cos we just had to wait and be patient while the movie stuff got sorted. And now its not happening so its all been for nothing :( the only good thing is that we. Get to go back to our normal infatuated horny selves, and that brad has gotten heaps of drawing practice and is heaps better now :)

Blah blah blah

Rdo tomorrow yay!

I am sooooo tired. I don't know what's wrong with my brain, but it hasn't been switching off when I go to bed recently. Maybe I just worry too much. I've had such a stressful day at work, you know how somedays nothing will go right and you get so frustrated you just want to burst into tears? I hell had one of those days.

Kindof makes me wish I had someone to go home to and snuggle with. But its all good, I will be peachykeen once I get home and chillax by myself. Watch some anime! Yay.

Late january is like the awesomest time ever...jenns costume-karaoke-birthday at My Place (its hell talking all my self control not to go as zombie jeff buckley) then my sister is coming over for the weekend and we hopefully get to hang out on the 25th (nobody you know reads my livejournal mj so its all good! Xx) and then Liams australia day slash birthday pool party ( I don't know if its actually a pool party, alls I know is I am going in the fucking pool) on the 24th or something. Squeeeee :)


So bored, want to go home!!

Well I wouldn't want say I have always wanted to be asked it...but the one question I want mr bradley to ask involves him getting down on one knee :P maybe on day, fingers crossed! Xoxoxo luffs that boy.


Also high on the list:

"Would you like fries with that?"
"Are you interested in a job testing sex toys/chocolate/games?"
"My name is Gale Harold (EDITED FROM 'GAROLD HALE' COS I AM A SPASTIC WHEN I TYPE DISTRACTED AT WORK). Would you like to have dinner sometime?"
"Burger or wrap?"
"Why on earth would you want to change anything about yourself?"
"How would you like a large pay rise in exchange for less hours, less customer contact and less responsibility?"


I could go on. Notice how most questions involve food? I miss junk food :(

I heart you so good, naughtyhermione . Let's be snark friends forever!

I got a pay rise today, which is pretty sweet. My probation ended and the operations manager James, who is very sweet, told me im doing fantastically etc. So i now get two extra grand a year which is like an extra $170 bucks a month. Better than nothing! I felt flattered anyway, cos apparently James has only done that once before.

So in closing, I am pretty fucking cool.


ALSO

there are people watching my iPhone on ebay. I hope I sell it soon. Yay money!!

I bought a wii (plus Brawl plus Super Mario Galaxy) on the 30th of december and there is something wrong with it! it now doesnt work :( so i have to wait till JBs gets some back in stock before I can get it exchanged. So devo, I was really excited about it!!



Soooooo tired!

xo

Eeeheehee.

I've had two really awesome conversations in the last 24 hours...though they were both quite short:


Me talking to Elvan (who's first language is Mandarin but who still speaks english quite well) about a customer:

"So she is Japanese but lives in Shanghai?"

Elvan:

"Yes. If I'm not mistaken, she's a whore. No, wait, what's a better word...prostitute. She's a prostitute.

Me:

"Really??"

Elvan:

"Yeah. She used to work for my friend"

Hahahaha.





(On msn)

Me: herro
Ziggy: ohai. I fucked a tranny last night
Ziggy: lol
Me: gayyyyy
Ziggy:...please lol with me so I know you know I'm joking...
Me: I'd rather not.

Also, brad took me for dinner and a movie the other night ( and taught me how to get to inaloo from his house :P). We saw Madagascar 2 and it was actually really good! And we saw a friend of brads who I hadn't met before, he was really nice. Added me on facebook ( oh book of face, how I love thee) the next day, which was a bit random but sweet.

I'm at work and its boring. Jack finished up the other day and I misses him :(

And now I'm off to facebook cos dan wants to see the shirtless picture of brad ( brad from work, not my man!). Hee.

I can't sleep.

I miss having a boyfriend who actively dotes on me. I miss newness and passion and romance. I miss feeling wanted and desired and needed.

I am tired of being sexually frustrated. I am tired of wanting what I can have. I am tired of trying to feel sexy and putting myself out there.




I know he loves me very much. And I know that for people nearly eighteen months into a relationship, we are still quite passionate and stupid. But sometimes I miss how it used to be. I want him to be interested in me. I don't want to be taken for granted. I want him to think I'm beautiful.



Eh. I want to sleep. I am tired and hormonal and bein an angsty retard.

A - is for Amorous, as in I have a super high sex drive.
B - is for Bradley, my other half.
C - is for Courtney, because I am lazy
D - is for Drama queen. Fairly self explanatory.
E - is for Eccentric, because I enjoy having little quirks in my personality.
F - is for Faithful, cos I am very loyal.
G - is for Ginger, the colour of my hair...for I am the Ginja Ninja!
H - is for Hot. As supplied by Lee Lee
I - is for Intelligent. Or at least, I like to think so.
J - is for Jealous, because I have a wicked jealous streak!!
K - is for Kissing, which is one of my favourite passtimes and also something I'm very good at ( see also: blowjob)
L - is for Loving, cos I have a big heart and a lot of love and affection to give =)
M - is for Maternal, which is sometimes oddly how I feel upon seeing a happy young family or someone I love hurt.
N - is for Nice. Because although clementine hates this word, and its not a very good adjective, I reckon I go ok in the nice stakes.
O - is for Orgasmatastic! Haha.
P - is for Puerile, because I can be very childish.
Q - is for Queer friendly, cos I sure do love mah same sex brothers and sisters :)
R - is for Retarded. Cos that's how my brain gets when I worry.
S - is for Sensitive, because as lame as that is I how I am :)
T - is for Thespian. Cos I never feel as alive, beautiful and in charge as I do when I'm onstage.
U - is for Unsure (of myself and my future) because I still doubt my abilites, and wonder where I am going to end up.
V - is for Vulgar. I enjoy being crude about my body, my feelings and my life :D
W - is for Whingy. How I am when things aren't going my way.
X - is for Xylophone. Because is you hit me in different places in a certain order, it sounds like 'Chopsticks'
Z - is for Zealous, as I am enthusiastic and energetic and I'm PRETTY sure that's what zealous means.

Woo!

Ugh. I'm watching the episode of Queer as Folk where Ted becomes a meth addict. He zonks out for a few days and awakes to see a video of his friends gang raping him. This squicked me out so much, my feet tingled and I felt ill. I don't know why it freaked me out so much. I know its just a TV show, but... Fuck! Sometimes the world makes me so fucking angry. People suck so much!!


Meh.

( Dearie me... )very disappointing but occasionally will surprise you.

...how much are you offering, Writers' Block?

Christmas was rushed for me this year, brad and I were at my mums in the morning,then went to his parents place (his family are awesome and I love them ) then back to thornlie for my dads side of the family. Then we hung out at brads place and today are going to see Twilight! Yay!


Brad got me a cd player for my car!! He's so freaking wonderful :) I also got a dvd of A Streetcar Named Desire, cos he knows I love it and I'm going to audition for a production of it next year. It was really awesome to get a gift that really showed he knows and cares for me, rather than something generic and romantic like flowes or jewelry or whatev. We are eventually going to buy each other commitment rings, but he knows I don't really wear jewelry otherwise. Bless!!

I filmed a few short films for Tropfest the other night. I was so nervous but andrew told me the next day that they were really impressed and that I'm a natural on camera :) yay, stardom! Hahaha.

Work is goooood. Customers are often mean but that's ok. We are all going out tomorrow night for jacks leaving celebrations. I am looking forward to it!!

S'RIGHT, BITCHES!!